The easy part of parenting that you have probably found out by now is conceiving, pregnancy, and yes…delivery!
As soon as that first cry, squawk, or first breath was drawn from that amazing bundle of combined DNA you call your child, parenting boot camp began. Most parents are already behind the 8 ball because they assumed that all the books they read, or how they were raised – would just automatically come to them or they would just figure it out. Most of us did not read the fine print stating that this bundle of “joy” would not be delivered with an owner’s manual. In fact, the reality is that you and this child will write this manual as you go, day to day, spit up to spit up, tantrum to tantrum…
If you have chosen to become a parent, you have joined the ranks of millions of people that feel like they are losing the war, battle, skirmish and every argument. Many of you have one desire…to feel like you win at least some of the time. I feel your pain, I have/am walking in your shoes, but I refuse to give up trying! Parenting is never ending, as long as they live in your house and receive your resources…this is a job that keeps on going. In fact, the only time you get to stop parenting for a few moments is when the kid(s) is asleep or away visiting someone else. Otherwise, if they are up and moving, you are up and parenting. Got it?
At times, this parenting journey usually feels like a bumpy ride on a safari in a jeep with metal seats and no shock absorbers. You find yourself oohing and aahing over the amazing experience, but then you realize that you better stay in the jeep because many of the animals that you are mesmerized by could be deadly! OK, I agree, not quite that bad, but it does evoke a response that this journey is not just a ride, it is an adventure.
You and your child are making memories that may last a lifetime. So what will they remember? An angry/sad Mom or Dad because you were so tired/depressed that you forgot to enjoy the journey? Always complaining about the house not being clean, toys out of place, food left out or toilet seat up. Whew!
Part of this amazing and thrilling journey requires that you listen to yourself and watch your child’s response to your verbal barrage. If you see those beautiful eyes of your child well up in tears (not in manipulation of course) in response to your verbal litany…then stop, take a breath…and take a do-over! What’s a do-over? A do-over is a grace-filled opportunity to take it back…take your words back and their unintended affects. It also will allow your child to see that you, too, can say that you are sorry and mean it…then do it over, but better! Do-overs are great to extend to your child as well during this journey. It allows us all grace-filled opportunities to learn and grow.
Remind yourself that Rome was not built in a day and neither are amazing parents. Take each part of this parenting journey one moment at a time. Stay in the moment and don’t borrow trouble from the future or dwell on past mistakes.
Keep trying…keep trying, don’t give up! (a phrase from a great kid’s song on TV) Your parental muscles will be developed in this process of trying, listening, apologizing, crying, and laughing.
Complete this phrase once a day: “Don’t give up.” “Do Over.” You will find your parenting biceps developing in ways that you never imagined! Go on, I dare you. Try it! What do you have to gain? The most amazing life experience with your child? It’s worth trying!
My fellow parent(s) – you are doing an amazing job! Keep it up…your kids are worth it and your relationship with them can only become more amazing!
Till next time…Dr. D
Your personal parent trainer
Dr. D. The Parent Trainer 