Welcome to the moment when you realize…”This is not a test!” It is real life, on-the-job training. You, as the parent, can read all the books out there (please avail yourself to the wonderful resources out there- they can be helpful in providing you with options to consider) but remember- your child did not read one page of that book! Matter of fact, what you might appreciate now is that your child was born with skills that bring out the parenting gift that you didn’t know you had!
The reality is that children are born to parents in infant form (unless adopted- but they still respond the same). They are born with innate skills that allow them to survive. They have great big ol’ eyes, gummy smiles and bodily functions that impress even the most uptight parent. Yes, kids are born to survive!
Parents are forged in the daily interactions with these born survivors. We learn to read sideline cues better than any quarterback. Like a baseball player, we appreciate the grand slam moments but we learn that most of our games are won one base at a time. As in basketball, the slam dunk is supreme but doesn’t happen often in the game. As in hockey and soccer, making a goal puts up points, but a great player knows that is the constant focus and managing the puck and soccer ball that wins the game. As parents, we are developed in our daily life moments with our children.
So we must keep our eyes and ears open for those moments when we need to adjust our strategies to meet changing needs of our children. As adults, we have tendencies that we like things to stay constant and the same. But this is NOT the nature of childhood. Your child is in a constant state of change. So be ready!
Remember when you your baby was first born. You placed him down for a brief moment and when you returned he was in the exact same spot? Remember the moment when you learned he could move? Yes…when he rolled off the bed! Remember when he sputtered and spit at his food on the spoon because he did not know what to do with it? Remember when you had to do the modified Heimlich maneuver because he was choking on a French fry? Remember how he used to crawl around on the floor so excited about his new found freedom? Remember when he ran into the wall because he thought you were chasing him when you were just trying to tie his shoes to keep him from falling?
Do you get it? They are always changing. Typically, we as parents are about two months behind their developmental expectation and we are constantly surprised and caught off guard! This is why we hear ourselves say, “I didn’t know he could do that!”
So how does a parent become more effective?
- Stay connected to helpful resources such as parents with older children – those with child-rearing skills you admire. Also, this blog is a helpful tool, too! 🙂
- Stay in the moment in your parenting. Respond or react depending on what your child’s behavior requires. In other words, quit trying to do what you want to do while your child needs your attention. Remember you are the one that is supposed to be molding your child… YOU! I agree, you are reciprocally challenged to change at times, but by default, you are the one that has been alive the longest. Tag! You are it!
- Consider your atmosphere. Who do you allow your child to spend time with? An old proverb “If you hang out with dogs that have fleas, you gonna get fleas”. Don’t quite get my meaning? Try this one “Monkey see…Monkey do”! Both of these mantras imply that as an effective parent; We need to be careful with whom our children spend time, what they are doing (watching on television) and where they are. Still questioning this wisdom? Would you let your child hang out with someone that has Ebola virus? Why not? You would be afraid that they might contract that virus, right? Do you realize that bad behavior is like a virus? It is contagious! Ask any preschool teacher! Ask any high school teacher! Ask any manager in a company!
Don’t get comfortable in your parenting because what you did yesterday is not going to be what you need to do tomorrow!
My fellow parent(s) – you are doing an amazing job! Keep it up…your kids are worth it and your relationship with them can only become more amazing!
Till next time…Dr. D, your personal parent trainer
Dr. D. The Parent Trainer 