Welcome to your amazing opportunity to change the World! Growing up you might have thought or dreamed about how you would change the world. You wanted to make a difference, even if it was a small difference. Then life came at you… work or school (maybe both at the same time), relationships – or the desire for one – taxes and bills…you get the picture. Your dreams may have gotten derailed, deferred, or just plain denied.
Then all of a sudden, before you could catch your breath…you became, gulp, a parent! Then began the crying, the feeding, the changing, the late nights not sleeping, the buying and the worrying! Has it felt a little challenging? Maybe even a little overwhelming? Welcome to the club!! Parenting is not a joke or a convenient hobby. It is real-life work! It is an every moment commitment to the child/children that you promised to care for not because you made a vow, but because you chose to have/adopt this amazing opportunity.
So parent, when you accepted this amazing opportunity you joined the ranks of the REFINERS. A refiner is a worker who has acquired a specific skill as a trained worker. A definition of refine, according to Free Dictionary by Farlax is to free from coarse, unsuitable, or immoral characteristics. As parent, it is our responsibility to actively apply the right pressure, at the right time, for the right outcome to occur in our child’s life. Our children are not born refined.
So how does this refining process occur? Amazing question! With absolutely perfect timing! You just can’t sit and watch it happen. Your child will not learn by osmosis. As a matter of fact, initially your child will not learn acceptable behavior by pure observation. They will learn skills by observation, but not acceptable behavior. Acceptable behavior is learned when a behavior has occurred and your reaction to that behavior either reinforces it or changes it. You can’t just sit and watch your child- you have to do something. Without the right pressure at the right time in the right place a diamond just stays a rock. So if you want to raise a rock…do nothing! However if you want to see your child become that amazing diamond in his own brilliance, you must become a refiner!
It is not our job to destroy or make a child become something, but it is our responsibility to provide an atmosphere of a refining. To create and sustain an environment where your child can experience life safely and securely. A place not of perfection, but a perfect place where trying is applauded, celebrated and do-overs are offered freely! So, this is an all call for anyone willing to become a Refiner… are you answering this call?
My fellow parent(s) – you are doing an amazing job! Keep it up…your kids are worth it and your relationship with them can only become more amazing!
Till next time…Dr. D
Your personal parent trainer
Dr. D. The Parent Trainer 