I will offer advice by asking a series of questions. Why do you yell at your child? Is it an emergency? Are they in danger? Is the house on fire? In an emergency, I support yelling, screaming, jumping up and down to get attention. Outside of this, yelling at your child usually is not beneficial, but I understand your frustration.
By the time we are yelling, we have become so emotionally invested in our child’s response that we no longer remember the lesson we are trying to teach, which is:”When I speak, you listen.” This is a difficult lesson to teach, if not reinforced. Here are a few tips:
Look at your child when addressing him or her. This ensures the child is understanding your instructions. If he/she does not, this is an opportunity to clarify with eye-to-eye contact. One key point: For this to work, we, as parents, must keep the focus on the child, not cooking dinner or talking/playing on our technology devices. It’s important for your child to understand this is an expectation, not a request.
Provide directions BEFORE you get into a situation (play date, party, church, etc.) Keep directions simple and relevant to the environment. For example, if your child is old enough to tell time, find a clock or give him/her a watch to know what time you will be leaving the event. If your child is younger, make it clear that when you say it is time to go, there will be a set time (10-20 minutes more) before you leave the function. Once you have made the indication that it is time to go, pack up, get up and move towards the door. The longer you sit and talk a little more, you send a confusing message that you did not mean what you said.
Remember, kids will be kids! It’s in their nature to try our patience. They are motivated by play and having fun and they NEVER want to stop what they are doing!
Dr. D. The Parent Trainer 