While at a restaurant recently, my daughter and one of her good friends were working on a puzzle. Her friend told my daughter not to write on her (the friend’s) paper, but to write on her (my daughter’s) own. My daughter took this personally and began to pout. I had gotten my cell phone back and I was happily engaged.
My parent coach antennas perked up and I turned my phone off. I wrestled with myself – should I just leave this alone or should I take this moment to teach? I chose to teach, but I was not sure how to teach these girls how not to be so quick with their words and how not to take everything so personally.
So, I decided to script it for them. I told the friend: “Why don’t you say…Eliana, I thought we could both write on our own papers at the same time, I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. I’m sorry if I did”. I waited for the friend to say this. Then, I turned to my daughter as she was still trying to pout and said to her, “Eliana, then you say to your friend, ‘It’s OK, friend, thank you for your apology. It’s OK. I get it.’”
After this scripted exchange, they both relaxed and began talking to one another in a friendly tone. What I realized in this moment was that neither knew how to communicate what they felt. They needed me to show them how to put words to their feelings. This is a very important lesson, particularly for girls. If we don’t teach them to hear themselves and be cautious with how they say things and how they take things, they have a great chance to become members of the Mean Girls Club or worse, members of the VMGC. What’s that? – Members of the Victims of the Mean Girls Club…
Always be ready to teach…
Dr. D, your parenting coach
Published by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.
Welcome to my answer to a parenting housecall! I am a practicing pediatrician who has been asked on many occasions to come home with my families. I have been offered wallets (full of credit cards and checks-hehehe!) and even the invitation to, “please take my child for weekend”!
Here is my 21st century version of a house call. This will be as close as I will get to most of you in going home with you. My dream is to provide you some practical and humorous tips to make your parenting journey appear more successful and definitely more enjoyable.
Wisdom Moments is a resource that offers help in those moments when you feel like you are not leading the battle, let alone winning it. In those moments when you just need a little creativity but keep coming up with a blank. When those big ole’ eyes of your child are looking up at you , challenging – are you ready for this?! Instead of gulping and waving the white flag…drop by here for a little bit of parenting encouragement/reinforcement.
Despite the humor I use to share my message, I want to reassure you have heard each request and take them very seriously. What I bring to the table is not only my credentials as an accredited pediatrician, but just as validating is that I, too, am a fellow parent in the trenches with you! So what I have to offer you, I pray, is creative, effective and grounded in truth and reality. This blog will become my way, for now, to be more available to you and to share my parenting pearls. So…a toast to christen this maiden voyage “May we laugh and cry together…may we agree and disagree…may we always encourage each other that our children are worth climbing every mountain, scouring every valley, crossing any desert – to find a parenting pearl that will positively change a course of action for us and them”.
View all posts by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.
While at a restaurant recently, my daughter and one of her good friends were working on a puzzle. Her friend told my daughter not to write on her (the friend’s) paper, but to write on her (my daughter’s) own. My daughter took this personally and began to pout. I had gotten my cell phone back and I was happily engaged.
Dr. D. The Parent Trainer 