Talkback Tuesday: Why do some days feel more difficult than others when it comes to parenting?

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

Have you ever tried to put a round peg in a square hole?  No matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t fit!  I think the same thing occurs in parenting.  We expect our children to think like us and,  as a result, “act” the way we want, when we want.   Our children are not little adults. Their emotions look like ours, but their processing is TOTALLY different!  Even in the teenage years, they may look like adults, talk like adults, but their reasoning  ability is typically far from parent-like.

Our parenting skills mature over time. The longer we do it, the better we become at it.
REMINDER: Don’t envy others parents. Learn from them. Watch our emotional responses. We are showing our children how to behave during emotional moments.  “Do overs” need to be offered  to our children and ourselves in the event that we mess up!
By all means…get more rest, get a little exercise/play, take breaks, eat a little better, drink more water and HAVE MORE FUN!
Dr. D
Send your questions for Talkback Tuesday to drdtheparenttrainer@msn.com.

In memory of Baby Bella from Boston

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

Although your time on this earth was way too short
and it seems you had it oh so tough,
I weep for the many questions that were left behind
when your poor tattered body was found.

Were you hugged and kissed and tickled
till you laughed out loud and giggled?
Did anyone wrap you in their loving arms
to protect you from the cold chill of winter?

Did you ever share an ice cream cone
and have someone dot your nose with it
or read your favorite book to you…
till every word was known?

Did you have that special teddy bear,
or, did someone lovingly brush your hair?
Was your first anything recorded?
is your first anything remembered?

Sweet baby, may you rest in the arms of God
who will love you forever…
May you be kept warm and safe
playing, running, giggling…
for eternity.

Dr. D The Parent Trainer

Another reminder about our tone as parents

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

This is a great quote. A wonderful reminder for all of us as parents to control our tone. It’s so easy to get frustrated and yell at our children. Let’s work together to calm down BEFORE we speak to ensure our children are hearing our words!

speak softly

Talkback Tuesday: Sibling Rivalry

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

Dear Dr. D.: Sibling rivalry is at an all-time high in my home. The hitting, biting and yelling is constant. How can I encourage love among my kids and not frustration?

I am getting ready to coach myself as I address this situation. The term sibling rivalry establishes a winner and a loser. I don’t promote this because in a family unit, if one person loses, the whole family all loses.  Instead, I encourage teaching sibling negotiations.  The ultimate way to teach this begins with how parents handle disagreements with one another or with other adults in the child’s life.  I often tell my children, “You don’t have to argue if you know you are right.”  It’s not very effective if/when I argue with my husband over something small and minute (ouch…that hurts!).  However, the reality is…children learn by observation as well as illustration. It is truly a do as I do, not as I say situation.

Here are my recommendations:

Set immediate rules. First, no yelling at one another or in the house, only when there is danger. Second, no child is to hit, bite, scratch or physically assault one another. Be clear with your children that the only time they can put a hand on the other sibling is with permission from the other sibling and only in play or showing affection. Be ready to reinforce this rule with immediate consequences.

When there is an argument, separate the children. Place them in separate locations in the home and implement a talking time-out, which means not only can they not be around one another (separate rooms) but they also cannot talk to each other because they were using their words irresponsibly.

Be clear, immediate about consequences/rewards. Plan in advance what privileges your child will lose because of his/her behavior (no video games, not TV, etc.). To control your yelling, have a spray bottle of cold water handy to spray the children to get there attention and hopefully make them laugh or at least forget how upset they may be at one another. For rewards, create a point system, so when they are caught demonstrating good behavior, they can “purchase” an experience like a trip to the movies or a special dessert.

With a little practice, sibling negotiations can become a permanent part of your family dynamics.

Enjoy the parenting journey…

Have a question for Dr. D.? Please email me at drdtheparenttrainer@msn.com. Your name will remain confidential.