Big deal. Little deal. Know the difference.
Rivalry is allowed and can destroy family balance
Negotiation skills are taught and can bring family balance
Allowing is easy…you sit back and watch – everyone can suffer
Teaching is necessary…you take a moment, teach or rehearse a lesson…
Everyone benefits!
“It takes a village” is borrowed from an African proverb that embraces the concept of a community of adults accepting the responsibility of nurturing a child. This is accomplished by combining their time, talents, resources and prayers. These individuals are intertwined because of the shared desire to assist in a child’s healthy physical, mental and spiritual maturity. There is an understanding and acceptance of the value of a child – that the healthier and safe a child is…the healthier and safe our future will be.
Therefore, one of the many responsibilities of a great parent is to ensure that your family’s “village” is comprised of people that share the same goals as you do for your child. So, I challenge you this week to consider your “village people”…who are they and can they stand in the gap for you? Do they cherish your child as you do? Is your child’s well-being and safety paramount to them?
You may be surprised where you might find that next person to become part of your “village”…could be a neighbor, a classmate’s parent, a teacher, a co- worker, who knows…maybe even consider the people that are already in your life in a different manner. Include people such as teachers, physicians, extended family and many others.
The easy part of parenting that you have probably found out by now is conceiving, pregnancy, and yes…delivery!
As soon as that first cry, squawk, or first breath was drawn from that amazing bundle of combined DNA you call your child, parenting boot camp began. Most parents are already behind the 8 ball because they assumed that all the books they read, or how they were raised – would just automatically come to them or they would just figure it out. Most of us did not read the fine print stating that this bundle of “joy” would not be delivered with an owner’s manual. In fact, the reality is that you and this child will write this manual as you go, day to day, spit up to spit up, tantrum to tantrum…
If you have chosen to become a parent, you have joined the ranks of millions of people that feel like they are losing the war, battle, skirmish and every argument. Many of you have one desire…to feel like you win at least some of the time. I feel your pain, I have/am walking in your shoes, but I refuse to give up trying! Parenting is never ending, as long as they live in your house and receive your resources…this is a job that keeps on going. In fact, the only time you get to stop parenting for a few moments is when the kid(s) is asleep or away visiting someone else. Otherwise, if they are up and moving, you are up and parenting. Got it?
At times, this parenting journey usually feels like a bumpy ride on a safari in a jeep with metal seats and no shock absorbers. You find yourself oohing and aahing over the amazing experience, but then you realize that you better stay in the jeep because many of the animals that you are mesmerized by could be deadly! OK, I agree, not quite that bad, but it does evoke a response that this journey is not just a ride, it is an adventure.
You and your child are making memories that may last a lifetime. So what will they remember? An angry/sad Mom or Dad because you were so tired/depressed that you forgot to enjoy the journey? Always complaining about the house not being clean, toys out of place, food left out or toilet seat up. Whew!
Part of this amazing and thrilling journey requires that you listen to yourself and watch your child’s response to your verbal barrage. If you see those beautiful eyes of your child well up in tears (not in manipulation of course) in response to your verbal litany…then stop, take a breath…and take a do-over! What’s a do-over? A do-over is a grace-filled opportunity to take it back…take your words back and their unintended affects. It also will allow your child to see that you, too, can say that you are sorry and mean it…then do it over, but better! Do-overs are great to extend to your child as well during this journey. It allows us all grace-filled opportunities to learn and grow.
Remind yourself that Rome was not built in a day and neither are amazing parents. Take each part of this parenting journey one moment at a time. Stay in the moment and don’t borrow trouble from the future or dwell on past mistakes.
Keep trying…keep trying, don’t give up! (a phrase from a great kid’s song on TV) Your parental muscles will be developed in this process of trying, listening, apologizing, crying, and laughing.
Complete this phrase once a day: “Don’t give up.” “Do Over.” You will find your parenting biceps developing in ways that you never imagined! Go on, I dare you. Try it! What do you have to gain? The most amazing life experience with your child? It’s worth trying!
My fellow parent(s) – you are doing an amazing job! Keep it up…your kids are worth it and your relationship with them can only become more amazing!
Till next time…Dr. D
Your personal parent trainer
Welcome to my answer to a parenting “housecall”. I am a practicing pediatrician who has been asked on many occasions if I could/would come home with my families. I have been offered whole wallets (full of credit cards and checks) and even the invitation to “please take my child for the weekend”! My favorite suggestion/threat has been to a child “I’m going to leave you with Dr. D” – I still haven’t decided if this was aimed at me or the child…but my standby, humorous response is, “No, you will not… I will chase you down to remind you that you forgot a very important person!”
This will be as close as I will get to most of you in going home with you. My dream is to provide you with practical and humorous tips to make your parenting journey appear more successful and definitely more enjoyable. I want this to be a resource that offers help in those moments when you feel like you are not leading the battle, let alone winning it. In those moments when you just need a little creativity but keep coming up with a blank. When those big eyes of your child are looking up at you, challenging – are you ready for this?! Instead of gulping and waving the white flag…drop by here for a little bit of parenting encouragement and creativity.
Despite the humor that I use to share my message, I want to reassure you that I have heard each request and take them very seriously. What I bring to the table is not only my credentials as an accredited pediatrician, but just as validating is that I, too, am a fellow parent in the trenches with you! So what I have to offer you, I pray, is creative, effective and grounded in truth and reality. This blog will become my way, for now, to be more available to you and to share my parenting pearls.
So…a toast to christen this maiden voyage. May we laugh and cry together…may we agree and disagree…may we always encourage each other that our children are worth climbing every mountain, scouring every valley, crossing any desert – to find a parenting pearl that will positively change a course of action for us and them.
“If you correct your children, they will bring you peace and happiness.”
Proverbs 29:17 CEV
Dr. D. The Parent Trainer 