Tag: parenting

Talkback Tuesday: Why do some days feel more difficult than others when it comes to parenting?

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

Have you ever tried to put a round peg in a square hole?  No matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t fit!  I think the same thing occurs in parenting.  We expect our children to think like us and,  as a result, “act” the way we want, when we want.   Our children are not little adults. Their emotions look like ours, but their processing is TOTALLY different!  Even in the teenage years, they may look like adults, talk like adults, but their reasoning  ability is typically far from parent-like.

Our parenting skills mature over time. The longer we do it, the better we become at it.
REMINDER: Don’t envy others parents. Learn from them. Watch our emotional responses. We are showing our children how to behave during emotional moments.  “Do overs” need to be offered  to our children and ourselves in the event that we mess up!
By all means…get more rest, get a little exercise/play, take breaks, eat a little better, drink more water and HAVE MORE FUN!
Dr. D
Send your questions for Talkback Tuesday to drdtheparenttrainer@msn.com.

Talkback Tuesday: Dr. D., Why do I have to yell to get my child to listen to me?

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

I will offer advice by asking a series of questions.  Why do you yell at your child?  Is it an emergency? Are they in danger? Is the house on fire? In an emergency, I support yelling, screaming, jumping up and down to get attention. Outside of this, yelling at your child usually is not beneficial, but I understand your frustration.

By the time we are yelling, we have become so emotionally invested in our child’s response that we no longer remember the lesson we are trying to teach, which is:”When I speak, you listen.” This is a difficult lesson to teach, if not reinforced. Here are a few tips:

Look at your child when addressing him or her. This ensures the child is understanding your instructions. If he/she does not, this is an opportunity to clarify with eye-to-eye contact. One key point: For this to work, we, as parents, must keep the focus on the child, not cooking dinner or talking/playing on our technology devices. It’s important for your child to understand this is an expectation, not a request.

Provide directions BEFORE you get into a situation (play date, party, church, etc.) Keep directions simple and relevant to the environment. For example, if your child is old enough to tell time, find a clock or give him/her a watch to know what time you will be leaving the event. If your child is younger, make it clear that when you say it is time to go, there will be a set time (10-20 minutes more) before you leave the function. Once you have made the indication that it is time to go, pack up, get up and move towards the door.  The longer you sit and talk a little more, you send a confusing message that you did not mean what you said.

Remember, kids will be kids! It’s in their nature to try our patience. They are motivated by play and having fun and they NEVER want to stop what they are doing!

 

 

 

 

Build your village…one relationship at a time

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

hands photo

“It takes a village” is borrowed from an African proverb that embraces the concept of a community of adults accepting the responsibility of nurturing a child.  This is accomplished by combining their time, talents, resources and prayers.  These individuals are intertwined because of the shared desire to assist in a child’s healthy physical, mental and spiritual maturity.  There is an understanding and acceptance of the value of a child – that the healthier and safe a child is…the healthier and safe our future will be.

Therefore, one of the many responsibilities of a great parent is to ensure that your family’s “village” is comprised of people that share the same goals as you do for your child.  So, I challenge you this week to consider your “village people”…who are they and can they stand in the gap for you?  Do they cherish your child as you do?  Is your child’s well-being and safety paramount to them?

You may be surprised where you might find that next person to become part of your “village”…could be a neighbor, a classmate’s parent, a teacher, a co- worker, who knows…maybe even consider the people that are already in your life in a different manner.  Include people such as teachers, physicians, extended family and many others.

Welcome to the place for parent coaching

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.
Photo courtesy of Otturatore Photography. www.otturatorephotography.com/home
Photo courtesy of Otturatore Photography. http://www.otturatorephotography.com/home

Welcome to my answer to a parenting “housecall”.  I am a practicing pediatrician who has been asked on many occasions if I could/would come home with my families.  I have been offered whole wallets (full of credit cards and checks) and even the invitation to “please take my child for the weekend”!  My favorite suggestion/threat has been to a child “I’m going to leave you with Dr. D” – I still haven’t decided if this was aimed at me or the child…but my standby, humorous response is, “No, you will not… I will chase you down to remind you that you forgot a very important person!”

This will be as close as I will get to most of you in going home with you.  My dream is to provide you with practical and humorous tips to make your parenting journey appear more successful and definitely more enjoyable.  I want this to be a resource that offers help in those moments when you feel like you are not leading the battle, let alone winning it.  In those moments when you just need a little creativity but keep coming up with a blank.  When those big eyes of your child are looking up at you, challenging – are you ready for this?! Instead of gulping and waving the white flag…drop by here for a little bit of parenting encouragement and creativity.

Despite the humor that I use to share my message, I want to reassure you that I have heard each request and take them very seriously.  What I bring to the table is not only my credentials as an accredited pediatrician, but just as validating is that I, too, am a fellow parent in the trenches with you!  So what I have to offer you, I pray, is creative, effective and grounded in truth and reality. This blog will become my way, for now, to be more available to you and to share my parenting pearls.

So…a toast to christen this maiden voyage. May we laugh and cry together…may we agree and disagree…may we always encourage each other that our children are worth climbing every mountain, scouring every valley, crossing any desert – to find a parenting pearl that will positively change a course of action for us and them.

“If you correct your children, they will bring you peace and happiness.”

Proverbs 29:17 CEV