Tag: Parenting tips

Always be prepared for those teachable moments

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

girls-462072_1280While at a restaurant recently, my daughter and one of her good friends were working on a puzzle. Her friend told my daughter not to write on her (the friend’s) paper, but to write on her (my daughter’s) own.  My daughter took this personally and began to pout.  I had gotten my cell phone back and I was happily engaged.

My parent coach antennas perked up and I turned my phone off.  I wrestled with myself – should I just leave this alone or should I take this moment to teach?  I chose to teach, but I was not sure how to teach these girls how not to be so quick with their words and how not to take everything so personally.

So, I decided to script it for them.  I told the friend: “Why don’t you say…Eliana, I thought we could both write on our own papers at the same time, I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. I’m sorry if I did”. I waited for the friend to say this.  Then, I turned to my daughter as she was still trying to pout and said to her, “Eliana, then you say to your friend, ‘It’s OK, friend, thank you for your apology. It’s OK. I get it.’”

After this scripted exchange, they both relaxed and began talking to one another in a friendly tone.  What I realized in this moment was that neither knew how to communicate what they felt. They needed me to show them how to put words to their feelings. This is a very important lesson, particularly for girls. If we don’t teach them to hear themselves and be cautious with how they say things and how they take things, they have a great chance to become members of the Mean Girls Club or worse, members of the VMGC.  What’s that?  – Members of the Victims of the Mean Girls Club…

Always be ready to teach…

Dr. D, your parenting coach

 

Talkback Tuesday: Practice makes permanent

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

Dr. D., Sometimes, I feel so inadequate as a parent.  How do I make sure I am the best parent for my child?

First, let me reassure you that you are not alone.  All of us who are striving to be the best parents we can for our children experience moments of “am I doing the right thing?”  This is a great question to ask.  This line of “talking to yourself” leads you into self- coaching.   Maybe how you are responding in the moment might not get you and your child to the outcome that you would like to experience.  If this is the case, redirect yourself, then redirect your child.  It is okay to change direction – it is okay to stop – tell your child this is not going in the direction that is going to lead us to a positive resolution.  Then, start over. I call these do overs, examples of grace, and better yet, examples of mercy.

The wrong direction begins with “I can’t do this” or “This is harder than I thought” or “I’m no good at this.”  These statements don’t encourage a dialogue; they tell you “who you are”.  The mindset behind these statements does not allow for redirection let alone creativity to look at your “not-my-best parenting moment” as a way to learn and redirect to try it again.

Remember that practice makes permanent!  If you are a perfect parent, then there is no way you are able to parent your less-than-perfect child.  Forget about perfection and keep practicing.  On a sports team, you show up for practice you get to learn techniques on how to work as a team member and the skills it takes to play a game successfully.  In a game, it is an opportunity to apply what you have practiced.  The beauty of this strategy is that you show up and participate in practice. Skills become permanent. You have a much better chance of winning.  Whether you win or lose, you show up, you get to play and enjoy the game!

So my fellow parents…show up, participate and practice better parenting skills and they will become permanent. Most importantly, you and your child will make more amazing memories!

Be blessed and enjoy the journey…

A sibling get-along T-shirt. Love this idea!

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

What a great way to end an argument among siblings. They can wear this T-shirt around the house for the evening so they understand how much they need each other.

13. Make Your Kids Get Along with a Get-Along Shirt

Talkback Tuesday: Why do some days feel more difficult than others when it comes to parenting?

Posted on by Tamara Dickerson, M.D.

Have you ever tried to put a round peg in a square hole?  No matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t fit!  I think the same thing occurs in parenting.  We expect our children to think like us and,  as a result, “act” the way we want, when we want.   Our children are not little adults. Their emotions look like ours, but their processing is TOTALLY different!  Even in the teenage years, they may look like adults, talk like adults, but their reasoning  ability is typically far from parent-like.

Our parenting skills mature over time. The longer we do it, the better we become at it.
REMINDER: Don’t envy others parents. Learn from them. Watch our emotional responses. We are showing our children how to behave during emotional moments.  “Do overs” need to be offered  to our children and ourselves in the event that we mess up!
By all means…get more rest, get a little exercise/play, take breaks, eat a little better, drink more water and HAVE MORE FUN!
Dr. D
Send your questions for Talkback Tuesday to drdtheparenttrainer@msn.com.